


Goodbyes Are Too Final

by Yadirocks



Series: The Core [4]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-13 14:36:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11761974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yadirocks/pseuds/Yadirocks
Summary: Some goodbyes are harder than others, especially when the person you have to say goodbye to is your best friend.





	1. Bad News

He had known for quite some time that he would end up facing that question he had been avoiding. Every player has to at some point, he tried to reassure himself. When he was younger, he could slip past the cold grip of it, but now that he was older, it had him in its grasp. Sometimes, he felt as though he were suffocating when he thought about it. Baseball meant the world to him. It always had. If he stepped away, he would be faced with another world, wondering what he would do to fill such a void. It was a slightly depressing feeling, one he couldn't afford to think about...until now.

A hand touched his shoulder, and he snapped out of his thoughts. He blinked to gain his bearings, before looking up into familiar brown eyes. Yadier gave him a slight smile. "For a moment there, I thought you were sleeping," his friend teased before taking a seat next to him on the dugout bench. Adam felt his chest ache even more now that Yadier was sitting next to him, so close to him, so oblivious. He had a few more years now that he signed that big contract. Adam had been happy for him at the time, but now, he wished he had the courage and the talent to take the path Yadier had gone down. 

"Hey," Yadier said, smacking him in the arm with the back of his hand. Adam snapped out of his thoughts again, unable to meet Yadier's eyes as he said, "I just had a whole conversation with you, and I don't even think you were listening."

Adam sighed, closing his eyes. "Sorry," he said, trying to sound confident but failing miserably. He felt Yadier's eyes on him. "It's okay," he said after a long pause. Then, Yadier's hand was on his shoulder again, but this time it wasn't to get his attention. "I can tell you want to be alone right now. I don't know what's wrong, but if you want me to leave you alone, just let me know."

Adam couldn't bring himself to say anything. He heard Yadier sigh, and his hand left his shoulder. He felt Yadier hop off of the bench, and could hear the crunch of his shoes on the remnant of dirt from the field scattered across the dugout floor as he began to walk away. Without thinking, he flung out his hand and caught Yadier by the wrist. "We need to talk," he said. "But not here. Not now."

For the first time, he met Yadier's eyes. The catcher nodded, though the look in his brown orbs said differently. "After the game," he said. Adam let go of his wrist, and put his head back against the wall again. For a moment, Yadier stood there, and he knew because the look in his eyes had been nothing but concern. Then, he heard Yadier walk away, and Adam finally let the tear fall down his face that he had been trying to hide the whole time.

*****************

Yadier's house was probably the finest home owned by any Cardinal, including himself. It had that Mexican architecture to it, the white walls with a red roof, a few strands of ivy sprouting pink and red flowers creeping up the side closest to the door. This was just his St. Louis home, Adam reminded himself. His place in Jupiter was practically a mansion. 

Yadier unlocked the door to his house, which was empty at the time. With his $5 million raise a year, Wanda took the kids down to Puerto Rico more often to visit family and friends, which is where they had been for the week. They were alone, and Yadier hadn't said a word yet. His demeanor had changed somehow, but Adam couldn't spot the difference from earlier. He still looked concerned and he still kept glancing at Adam, as if to make sure he hadn't bolted over the hedges. There was something else...but Adam couldn't figure it out.

Yadier took off his jacket and hung it on the coat rack. Adam thought over how he was going to break his news to Yadier. Would he be upset? Obviously. That was a given. Would he be angry? He hoped not. He hoped Yadier would be understanding. Would he cry? That's what scared Adam the most. He didn't like it when Yadier cried. He had only seen him do it twice, and the one time he would never forget. After his father had died, Yadier would hardly move from his bed for days at a time. He would lay there and stare at the ceiling, not speaking, not eating. Adam knew that his retirement news wasn't like an immediate family relative dying, but he also didn't want to break Yadier like he had been broken back then. He had to go about this carefully.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Yadier asked, already moving toward the fridge. "No, but thank you," he said, trying to sound cheerful. Yadier reached in and pulled out two bottles of Budweiser. "Too bad," he said, handing the bottle to Adam. "The way you were acting tonight, I think you need a drink more than I do."

Before Adam could protest, Yadier was already walking towards the living room. Adam rolled his eyes and followed Yadier. Maybe a drunken Yadi was the best Yadi to tell this news to. On that note, he went back and grabbed a few more beers, wondering how many it would take to get Yadier relaxed enough to be able to give him the news gently. He smiled when he saw a new case of Fireball, and he grabbed it too. 

When he met Yadier on the balcony, the catcher raised an eyebrow at him. "Looks like you changed your mind," he said with a laugh. "Might as well bring the entire fridge out here."

Yadier had already opened his Bud Light, and it was already halfway empty. Not shocking. He was always the first one to crack open his champagne bottle during celebrations. Adam took a seat in a patio chair and set the bottles of beer down on the glass table next to Yadier's chair. "I figured we could use it, with the win and all," he lied.

The catcher looked at him skeptically. "Right," he hesitantly agreed, taking a seat in the other chair. They sat in silence for the longest time, but that wasn't unusual. Yadier didn't like talking much, and Adam liked listening to the sounds of the night. Finally, after Yadier finished off his first beer and was working on a second, Adam said, "I've been thinking a lot recently."

Yadier smirked. "That's rare and dangerous," he muttered. Adam didn't laugh, and the smile on Yadier's face quickly left. "So...what was up with you today?" he asked instead.

Adam sighed, trying to go over what he had rehearsed in his head. "I wanted you to hear it from me first. I didn't want you finding out like the other guys will. I figured I owe it to you to say it to your face, since you're my best friend," he began.

Yadier held up a hand to stop him. "You're retiring," he murmured. That certainly was not how this discussion had gone in his mind. Adam stared at the ground. "How did you-"

"It's not that hard to pick apart, Adam. Your contract us up at the end of the year. You've been pitching well, but maybe not well enough in your mind to get a deal with the Cardinals. You wouldn't want to go to another team, understandably. The best option is to take the memories and the money and end things on a good note," Yadier said before downing the rest of his beer.

Adam blinked. "Okay, so you knew...why didn't you say anything?" he asked.

Yadier shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe because I knew you would want to do something like this. And Adam, my drunk point is five Bud Lights, but the Fireball was a good choice."

Adam narrowed his eyes. "So you aren't upset that I'm retiring? Not at all?"

Yadier sighed, cracking open another beer. "I'm upset, but this happens, Adam. I mean, it's nice to think that we're eternal, that we'll always be playing together, but it isn't realistic. We knew from day one that this day would inevitably come, that you and I-"

"There is no more 'you and I,'" Adam snapped, tossing his beer over the balcony. "We've been friends for 15 years and you can't even pretend to care that I'm leaving. Apparently, this decision is so easy to you, so logical, when I'm still over here wondering if it's the right thing to do. You know what, maybe you did make this choice a lot easier for me, considering your opinion used to mean something to me, but now it doesn't. It's not you and me anymore, Yadier. Now it's just you."

He knocked over his chair and left, closing the door to the balcony. He stormed to his truck, hopping inside and slamming everything as he reversed his truck and drove away, avoiding looking at the balcony where his former friend still was. Yadier didn't care, and he never had. Tears fell down his face as he drove home, and when he pulled into his driveway, he sat there with his forehead pressed to the steering wheel and cried.


	2. Good News

He ignored Yadier's phone calls, text messages, and even his attempts to make eye contact during games. Ever since Yadier had tossed aside his dilemma like it had little affect on his life and feelings, Adam had done the same thing every day to Yadier. He didn't even feel it was revenge for what had been said. It just felt like the right thing to do. If Yadier didn't care, he wasn't going to force him to pretend, but he also wasn't going to waste anymore of his dwindling time.

One day, Adam was pulling on his high socks, gearing up for his start, when a hand fell on his shoulder. He expected despite himself to look up and see Yadier, but instead saw Carson Kelly, the young prodigee that was to take Yadier's spot in a few years. Adam tried to smile at Carson. He couldn't hold Yadier's actions against his pupil. That wasn't fair to Carson. "What's up, Kel?" he asked as casually as he could.

The catcher glanced in another direction before asking, "Do you know what's been up with Yadi lately?"

Adam kept his eyes focused on tying his cleats. "No, I have no idea. I didn't even know anything was up with him. Why do you ask?" 

Carson sighed, sitting down next to Adam. "I don't know," he said, lost in thought. "He's been so distant these last few days. I mean, he's usually quiet, but now...I don't know how to describe it. It's like he's...gone. I thought, since you two are so close-"

"What makes you think we're close?" Adam asked, interrupting Kelly. The young catcher met his eyes. "Because of how he talked about you. He always claimed you were the best pitcher he's ever caught for, and that catching you is always an honor of his. Since he holds so much respect for you, I figured you two were pretty close. Well, that, and the fact that you two have been on this team far longer than anyone else."

Adam looked Carson in the eyes. "I have no idea what's wrong with him. I don't think you should worry about it either. He'll come out of it eventually, whatever it is. He gets over things pretty quickly."

Carson nodded. "I hope you're right. I don't like seeing him this way," he murmured. Then, he gave Adam a smile. "Thanks anyway, Waino. Good luck tonight."

Adam caught movement out of the corner of his eye, and watched as Yadier trudged in. He hadn't really looked at him in a few days. He was stumbling every few steps, and when he finally made his way to his locker, he let his bag fall to the floor and rested his head against the red wood. Adam mustered up his courage. It was now or never.

He stood and strode to Yadier. He grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around, slamming him into the locker. Yadier had his eyes open, but he didn't even seen like he was looking anywhere. Then he smelled it. The alcohol. Adam grabbed Yadier's shirt, but the catcher didn't make any attempt to struggle away. "You listen to me," Adam whispered in his ear. "Pull yourself together. Quit acting like a baby. You have a team to worry about and you're scaring your heir to the throne. Stop being so selfish, and if you come in here with that stench on your breath again, I'm going to kick you all the way back to Puerto Rico. Understand?"

Yadier opened his eyes, meeting Adam's. Then, he nodded. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Adam let him go, nearly causing Yadier to collapse to the floor. Then, he grabbed him and pushed him towards the dugout entrance. "Save it," he said. "The person you need to apologize to is Carson, not me."

He watched Yadier leave the room, trying not to feel a pinch of guilt for being so hard on him. He deserved it, he knew, but there was something else in his eyes, past the drunken glaze. Adam shook himself of it. Yadier wasn't his friend anymore. What he felt didn't matter to him.

It was the eighth inning. There was a runner on third with two outs, and the Cardinals were leading by one. Adam had pitched great, only giving up 2 runs on a home run. He was at risk at losing this game here, though, but the best thing to do was strike out the guy at the plate.

Adam called time, and Yadier made his way out. He hadn't met Adam's eyes all night, and hadn't said more than a few words to positiom the infielders. Adam snapped his fingers in his face. "There's no time for you to be doing this right now. Get your head in this game so we can win," he snapped.

Yadier stayed away from the usual embrace they had, and instead walked to the back of the mound to grab the rosin bag. "He's been leaning off of third," he said, glancing up at Adam but quickly averting his eyes again. "If you give me a fastball up...I can catch him."

Adam watched Yadier play with the rosin bag, avoiding Adam's gaze. "Look at me," he whispered. Yadier did, and it suddenly dawned on Adam. Carson had been right. How had he not noticed it before? Yadier quickly averted his eyes. "Just trust me," he whispered, dropping the bag on the ground and leaving before Adam could think of what to say. He sighed. He needed to take his own advice. This could wait until after the game.

The play Yadier was referring to was one they had done before, but it took every ounce of concentration Yadier had. He didn't think he could do it. Not in his current state. However, he also knew he didn't really have a choice. It was either trust Yadier could do it, or find a way to get three pitches past the guy hitting. So, Adam threw the fastball up. 

Yadier caught it, looking to Adam like he would throw it back. Adam pretended to, humoring the runner, while Yadier's eyes danced to third. The runner had his back turned as Yadier fired a missile to Jedd, who tagged the runner half a step off the bag. "Out!" the umpire called, and the crowd erupted in cheers.

After they won, Adam tried to find Yadier, but he was nowhere to be found. He did, however, find Carson, who seemed nervous about something. Adam grabbed Carson's arm as he was packing his bags and glancing at Yadier's empty locker. "Do you know where Yadi is?" Adam asked.

Carson didn't meet his eyes. "He left as soon as the game was over. Adam...he's not okay."

He knew that. He hopped in his truck and rushed to Yadier's house. He was relieved to see the lights were on, and he opened the door using the spare key Yadier kept in the porch light. He knew where to go. He closed the door behind him and locked it before making his way to Yadier's bedroom. He found the catcher laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, that same blank look on his face that scared Adam. 

Adam sighed, not knowing what to do. Then, Yadier said, "It scared me too."

His eyes went to the bed. A tear was falling down Yadier's face. Adam noticed the black bags beneath his eyes, how pale he looked even now. It wasn't from drinking. It was from crying himself to sleep. 

He sat down on the edge of the bed. "I know," he whispered. He wiped Yadier's tear from his cheek. Yadier whispered, "I'm just being a baby. You should go. I...I'll be okay."

Adam shook his head. "I'm not leaving," he whispered. Yadier met his eyes, and another tear fell. "You and I both know that isn't true," he murmured. Adam didn't say anything. What could he say?

Yadier averted his eyes again. "I didn't mean for you to get mad at me," he said. "I just didn't want you to see me..."

He shook his head. "I guess that was inevitable too," he murmured. Adam hauled him up and into a hug, and he let a few tears fall too. "I'll still be your best friend," he whispered in his ear. Yadier laughed and choked down a sob at the same time as he whispered, "You better."

He let Yadier get everything out. He wasn't even really crying now. He just had a broken heart, and the only thing that could really heal that at the moment was just hugging him until his heart didn't hurt anymore. Of course, he knew what would really heal Yadier. "Let's pretend I'm 22 and you're 21 again. Just for tonight," he whispered. 

Yadier whispered, "I don't want to pretend. I don't want to act anymore. That's how we ended up here."

Adam nodded. "Then how about I tell you something. I think it might help you cheer up."

Yadier sniffed, but held still, indicating he was listening. "I've decided to refuse to retire until we can do it together," Adam told him.

His best friend pulled away, his face red and blotchy from crying. "Adam, you don't have to do that. At least, don't do it because of me. I shouldn't have made this situation about me. This is about you and what you want to do. How I feel shouldn't matter."

"But it does," Adam whispered. "Yadier, you're like a brother to me. I walk out that door like I walked in: with you by my side."

Yadier smiled, and said, "I can't argue with that. So I guess I broke down for no reason?"

Adam shook his head. "I don't think it was for no reason. I think you had so much bottled up...you needed to get it out. I know you like you know me, Yadi," he said. "Do you feel any better now?"

Yadier gave him a hug. "Much," he admitted. "Sorry for acting like a baby. Can we stop being so cheesy now? I keep being reminded of those 'bro' memes you send to me."

Adam laughed and pulled away. "You love those and you know it."

Yadier smiled, then it wavered. "What happens now?" he asked quietly. Adam shrugged, grabbing two beers out of Yadier's mini fridge. "We celebrate good news the way we always do," he said, popping open his can of beer.

"You complete me."


End file.
